dKol & Lyrics

If dKol Were Lyrics

Happy by P!nk

Dammit, these lyrics make me really angry at myself. They’re honestly carved into my being and I have been stuck here for so freaking long that I feel the line “I don’t wanna to be this way forever” so damn much.

I wonder this line regularly “Can somebody find me a pill to make me un-afraid of me”. As I sit here writing this blog contemplating going back on my anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds (I have the prescription, it’s filled, and the meds are sitting on my nightstand), it’s apparent to me that I’m in my own way, umm can you say “Every time I try, I stop me”. I want to be mentally healthy, heck I want my whole body to feel healthy. And the line “maybe I’m just scared to be happy” makes me really sad, because I don’t want to believe that to be true.

My support system around me tries to encourage and reassure me often. “I’ve been with somebody who loves me and I’ve been tryna believe it’s true but my head always messes me up my heart no matter what I do”.

I need to get unstuck and “keep telling myself that I’ll get better”.

ACK to this space I’m in.

xo-d

Since I was 17
I’ve always hated my body
And it feels like my body’s hated me
Can somebody find me a pill
To make me un-afraid of me?

Seen every therapist, but I’m a cynical bitch
Don’t like to talk about my feelings
I take another hit, I find another fake fix
‘Cause it’s easier than healing

I don’t wanna be this way forever
Keep telling myself that I’ll get better
Every time I try, I always stop me
Maybe I’m just scared to be happy

Since I was 22
I’ve been with somebody who loves me
And I’ve been tryna believe it’s true
But my head always messes up my heart
No matter what I do

Seen every therapist, but I’m a cynical bitch
Don’t like to talk about my feelings
I take another sip, I swear it’s my last fix
‘Cause it’s easier than healing

'Cause I don’t wanna be this way forever
Keep telling myself that I’ll get better
Every time I try, I always stop me
Maybe I’m just scared to be happy
I don’t wanna be this way forever
Keep telling myself that I’ll get better
Every time I try, I always stop me
Maybe I’m just scared to be happy

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