PLEASE KEEP YOUR ASSUMPTIONS TO YOURSELF

Here at la femme we want to give a platform for your voice to be heard. Inclusion is our mission. PERIOD. End statement. 

I really wish we could apply that same punctuation to life.

I’m frustrated, I’m angry, and I am really embarrassed. After sitting with “the situation” I am referring to for a few days, it dawned on me that it was time to use my own voice and blog about this recent situation I experienced. In this situation I am referencing, I noticed that someone’s voice was stripped from them because of catty talk that ultimately translated to adults bullying kids under their breath. This fell upon my ears as I was in clear ear shot to the adults talking off to the side. What I noticed was these adults were also just steps away from their own children who were sitting together speaking on the same topic, and unfortunately in the same way as their parents. 

*Side note, I’ve reread and rewrote several sections to remain unbiased but dammit, I feel way too strongly on this topic and I need to call a spade a spade…so therefore I left “unfortunately” in that last sentence. Despite my attempt to make this anonymous, I do recognize some may be able to read between the lines. But, I’ve established that I’m ok with that, because frankly I’m sick of this behavior.

For the sake of privacy, I am creating a fictitious/parallel and simpler version of the story that actually took place.

To set the scene, the kids that are mentioned as subjects of this story are middle school girls. Girls are standing on one side, and boys are on the other side. “Ordinarily” each gender is conceived to “look” a certain [similar] way. In this situation, one girl with a short buzzed crew cut does not look the same as the other girls, or as she is expected to look based on gender specifications. This has given some adults in the crowd (what they believe to be) authority to call upon this girl who is now being referenced as a “boy” to say that “he” does NOT belong on the “girls” side. Do I dare add in the fact that one of the parents was uneasy about the idea that her judgement did not trump that of the officials that “fairly divided” the kids ahead of time? During this uncalled for, and quite frankly unasked for uproar on whether “he belongs with the girls” group or not things turned even worse. As the conversations took off, one concerned parent was fearful of something happening to her child. Before I share the appalling comment that ensued because of this “fear”, I will add that while these kids are all the same age, some are a bit taller than others. But, they all wear the same exact uniform, they are indeed all the same age, and they really show no other physical differences – this said out of “fairness” of course (eye roll). As kids develop, it’s notorious for people to bring attention to those that are eating well – which has clearly encouraged their growth spurt, or those who are physically solid – which must make them athletic, and we can’t forget about those few who remain a “peanut” while their peers take off towards looking more like their adult gender specific characteristics. Ok, that was all sarcastic but I digress and am now back to the story. Said “girl” gets tripped, and I quote the parent on looking, “his father didn’t teach him how to treat a lady”. WHAT IS THAT? I lost my lid. Actually, it’s still missing because I’m completely enraged. Is this really 2018?? Wow!

Gender specifications is not a new concern. In fact, people have been mistaking the gender of babies, kids, adults for longer than we should admit. Some brush it off, some defend and make it known that indeed they’ve wrongly identified their gender, and others simply stand up and call out the ignorance. It’s a generational switch. It’s our civic duty to realize how this form of “innocent judgement” can easily turn into a form of bullying and cause for further suppression. 

This situation reminded me of how this very thing impacted my own family not too long ago. My son has always had longer curly hair. While shopping at store together, a woman who needed the kids to step aside said to my son and daughter, “girls could you please step to the side”. While they politely stepped aside, later when they were telling me what had happened, I had a knot in my stomach, fearing he’d say those dreadful words, I "want to cut my hair”… but instead he said, some days I wish I could wear a sticker on my forehead that reads “I’m a boy”. 

Now mix into the equation non-binary, and our society embarrasses us yet again.

In sharing this story, I could have chosen to make this personal. I could have called people out. I could have confronted all parties. I could have even used correct names, But, in this anger, I decided to take the high road and make this a blanket statement. PLEASE KEEP YOUR ASSUMPTIONS TO YOURSELF. Practice yourself, what you want to see your kids practice. Practice inclusion, teach that very meaning to both the generation ahead of you and behind you. This society needs us to get that message out and help adults realize bullying kids is so uncool. How can we expect our kids to be kind, inclusive, and not bully others when they see their parents doing that very thing? It’s bad enough for a kid to see their parent bullying or being unkind, or unaccepting to other adults, but to kids? Any bullying is completely unacceptable, but a parent who will bully a kid is quite honestly shameful. 

Respectfully,

-d