Kay and Anxiety

It's like this constant pit in my stomach. It keeps turning ever so slightly, uneasy, and nauseating. It feels like it only takes the brush of a light breeze to send it whirling into full spiral mode. Grasping for anything that feels stable - anything that feels real in the world of make believe the mind creates. So many thoughts, so many stories, so many invisible connections made, so many what ifs, so much searching, so much doubt. Fidgeting, heart racing, hands shaking, head throbbing, stomach turning and turning - it feels like there is no relief in sight and it is hard to keep track of what's real and what isn't. Am I creating all of these things? Is there even a little validity to any of it? How do I make it stop? Who is this person, and when did I become her? I've lost all control. It is dark - this place of doubt, fear, and unsettled thoughts. It's a feeling that I can't even rationalize to myself or understand, so how can I explain it to others? Those that reach out; but continually get brushed off, because, well "I got this".

Exhausted, alone, irrational, sad, confused, lost. I am desperately searching for the light at every corner, but it's just so dark. I am completely buried. Completely weighed down. I have no idea where to go from here.  

-Kay
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