Pregnant During A Pandemic

A PANDEMIC?

Really? I mean they say when you make plans the universe laughs, but a pandemic? I mean, come on.

Anxiety has been something I have struggled with my entire life. In recent years it’s gotten worse. Most days it’s very manageable .. aside from the darker days. But right now, all I feel is anxiety. It is rushing back like a wave in the middle of an ocean during a tornado and I am the little lifebuoy that doesn’t stand a chance.

This time is extremely stressful and scary for everyone (especially those who work on the front line who I THANK endlessly everyday).

But, I am pregnant.

Guest Artist: Trisha Hughes of Medicated Like Me

The road to vulnerability is a long one. Not static. Not easy. Not without cost. Not without the brilliant dichotomy of beauty & tragedy. The shedding of skin. Transformation. Losing oneself to an identity you may have spent years building & the subsequent unexpected grief that accompanies that loss. As the former you clings, wails, weeps & gnashes her teeth, desperate to subdue the old you. You are no longer her. You cannot be. But the new you, this brittle, damp, weakling who startles at most everything, can this really be you?

the dKol la femme project: dKol's story

Here I go, unveiling my story, god this makes me feel extremely vulnerable and anxious.

How did I get here?

For as long as I can remember, I need to find a reason for everything. I’m seeking insight, accountability, I want growth.

Life changed drastically for me in 2013. What I now know as depression and anxiety, words that were not on my radar during that first deep dark bout with depression. I didn’t understand what anxiety meant. What felt like endless weeks that eventually turned into months of feeling depleted of any positivity or happiness…

Kay and Anxiety

It's like this constant pit in my stomach. It keeps turning ever so slightly, uneasy, and nauseating. It feels like it only takes the brush of a light breeze to send it whirling into full spiral mode. Grasping for anything that feels stable - anything that feels real in the world of make believe the mind creates.

anxiety, dKay thoughtsDanielle KolachikJanuary 18, 2019Anxiety, anxiousnessComment

dKol and Anxiety

I can remember writing this journal page vividly. My hope was if I could see the patterns of the spiraling down, I could grab ahold of the signs and triggers of the isolation I was feeling. It took a long while before I could begin creating a plan to dig myself out of the recycled patterns of the darkness I was living in.

depression, self-abuse, anxiety, dKay thoughtsDanielle KolachikJanuary 18, 2019Anxiety, Depression, anxiousness, self-abuse, fear, journal, journalingComment

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