the dKol la femme project: I'm still here, can you hear me?
I'm still here, can you hear me?
"Abuse, Grief, Loss, Rape... Trauma." - Jenna LaPierre; 35 | Warrior
How do we define trauma? It’s a mutual understanding that trauma involves a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. But the embodiment of trauma and its specific impact can vary significantly from person to person. For Jenna, trauma comes in many forms.
abuse
alcoholic households
grief
substance addiction
loss
rape
Reading all of those traumatic events outlaid in a sort of laundry list does not allow for the complexity of it all to sink in. Re-read this list and realize that all of this happened to one person.
Imagine that complexity and weight you feel just from thinking of these events and reading this list. Now imagine how heavy this weight is for the soul who endured it. How does one carry and cope with this trauma? While the answer to this question will be different for each individual, here’s Jenna’s story.
From a young age Jenna sought out help for her anxiety in traditional forms like therapy and medication but found neither to work. She was misdiagnosed with a variety of mental illnesses, as anxiety, at the time, was not such a familiar diagnosis. This misdiagnosis led to over-medication.
Feeling little relief from ineffective treatment, her anxiety turned severe leading to self-harm in the form of cutting at the young age of 14 and an eating disorder shortly after. By the age of 15, Jenna became a rape survivor at the hands of her godmother’s son.
She found herself in and out of adolescent psychiatric programs twelve times over the course of two years (at the former St. Francis hospital & Craig House). As a teenager, Jenna attempted suicide for the first time.
A universal message occurred for us the day of Jenna’s photo shoot. We had planned a location and scheduled to meet there. On the way there we passed the old site of the Craig House. When we arrived to the intended site, it was crowded. And we quickly realized that it was a strong message to turn around and go back to the Craig House to walk the perimeter and shoot nearby.
Heading into her 20’s, Jenna suffered the loss of her father to small cell lung cancer from Agent Orange poisoning. Shortly after losing her father, she learned of the news that she was expecting a son. After having her son, PPD was something that Jenna really struggled with. And shortly after learning that her son is autistic.
Her anxiety, depression, and need for processing techniques had become all-consuming and she felt lost. She felt like her life was not controlled by her. Her space become so filled with negativity that she felt like there was no way out. She was buried alive in its weight.
In 2013, Jenna became bedridden for a month. After a large weight loss and two years later, she had learned that she had a MTHFR gene mutation, degenerative disc disease, chronic Lyme disease, and a tumor on her pituitary gland. Her life felt so heavy. Nothing felt like enough, and she could no longer see or find hope.
She began to imagine the idea of no longer being here to bear this weight - and she felt relieved. Jenna had committed to this thought and the feeling that came with it. She was ready for that relief. She had realized that she had two choices - to keep living in a state of suffering or to end it. So, she had again planned her suicide for the next day.
On that same day that her plan was to take place, her now wife Regina, brought her home her first litter of kittens. Can you feel the universe intervening and screaming that we need Jenna here and that her time is not up? In this initial moment, Jenna felt angry because she was committed to her plan. She just didn’t want to live life anymore … but she knew she’d now have to.
The kittens needed her, and she saved them. But what they didn’t know, was she needed them more. They were the purpose in her life that she was searching for. They allowed her to stop focusing on wanting to end it and to start focusing on living it.
Jenna’s wife Regina knew that she needed something to help get her get out of bed, that she needed this purpose. Regina had found the thing that set Jenna’s soul on fire and in turn, she had saved her.
Since then, Jenna and Regina have saved so many kittens, and these kittens continue to save Jenna’s life, over and over.
Jenna and Regina have owned Itty Bitty Kitty Kommittee for 4 years, specializing in the care of neonatal kittens (kittens under the age of two weeks) because this is the most critical population of homeless animals.
At the exact moment that Jenna had given up on life, the universe gave her a sign in the form of kittens. They needed her and she needed them. Her purpose was discovered, and her life was worth living.
Today - Jenna finds comfort and healing in her own coping techniques and non-traditional forms of therapy. But her biggest message for everyone reading this is that you are not alone and that everyone can feel this courage and purpose. Your story matters.
She keeps sharing her story because she never wants to go back to the place that she was that day before the kittens were brought to her. By using her voice, she can heal, and she can create a safe space for others suffering like her.
Much to Jenna’s surprise, her story continues, and she fights on today as a warrior. Find support in her story, and understand that we can create whatever world we want if we just feel it and if we speak up.
“We are warriors in our own way, each story matters. I want every woman to believe it. Everyone deserves this.” - Jenna
xo-Kay
The dkol la femme project is a platform created to give a voice to you and your unique struggles by telling your story through art. la femme is where vulnerability meets liberation. What is confidence and empowerment to you? What is VULNERABILITY, and how does it affect you? You, as in the generalized you, the one that isn’t gender specific, or defined by your struggle or labeled by medication. OR maybe you are and want to advocate so your story is heard (insert dKol la femme). At la femme you are allowed to free yourself of the need for perfection. Here you will evoke your self-confidence and take pause so you can reflect on your soul.
Be heard through #thedkollafemmeproject #findyourRX
